Title: Murder Before Slumber (Party?)
Author: Me? A girl? Yes, um, by me.
Rating: NC-17 for blood and guts (and well, for sex, because there is sex. I wrote it for Jin's birthday. And it is random and misplaced, and stupid and whatever! It's sex! And everyone likes sex, right?)
Fandom: Pretty much all your Johnny's, including but not limited to: KAT-TUN, Kitty Gym?, NEWS, KANJANI8, Ya-Ya-Yah, Tackey & Tsubasa, A.B.Shi C., and Kiss My Ft.4? What number are they on now anyway? XD
Disclaimer: Do not own. If I did I would not slave away at McDonald's, instead I would sell them off and profit from it. (Except for Jin and maybe Pi, I would keep them in my closet.)
Pairings: Akame, Tackey/Tsubasa, Junno/his puns, Maruda? (Is that the name for Maru and Ueda?) Subaru/Maru (But the other one. Ryuhei Maruyama), Koki/his own dead corpse?, Yamapi/the f word? and okay, a bit of Toma because I couldn't help it, Golf/Mike? Ryo/Uchi, Tegoshi/Massu, Koyato, Yassu/Ohkura and just like a lot, Okay. There are a lot. And more are not even really there, unless you squint. A lot. A ton. A million times.
Genre: Murder mystery? Well, crack that is crack-tastic, or crack-zing, or cracksome, or - Omg, bad puns, I feel like Junno.
Word Count: Almost five thousand.
Summery (of Johnny's World?): Who would have thought a carefree Giant Johnny's "Sleep On the Floor In a Castle That Is Really a Spooky House" party would turn into a murder mystery? Akanishi Jin! That's who!
A/N: I actually did not drink last night (Almost did thought, but it doesn't count, because I didn't) And, well, I was going to write something for the man's birthday, but this came out instead. Inspired by those clips of Jin. You know first the slumber party one, and then the one where he is like jumping out of a box? And then he is like supposed to be scary? And then the clip where he goes on the date. And screams. And Jin screams like a girl and it's funny. And Jin is funny. But I guess that's what happens when your mom is fifteen. SEE KIDS DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE!

Anyway, comments and criticism are love, sweeties! ^^



It began with Jin and Yamapi. Yamapi and Jin were - you could say, rather the centre of the Johnny's world at the moment, both boasting extremely successful careers and commercials and such things, and so when something happened in Johnny's - usually someway, somehow you could trace it back to one or both of them.

So, thus, it was not surprising, when the event of the Johnny's season came, to find out it was planned by Akanishi Jin and his partner in crime - or in this case planning, Yamashita Tomohisa.

It had happened by accident, when Jin was watching some movie in English, without subtitles, because he believed he understood what they were saying, but really didn't, and thus was really only snickering at the bad words - because he unsurprisingly did know those - and making up a story plot in his head.

And, well luckily - or unluckily, whichever strikes your fancy, Jin happened to be watching movie about a boy, with a funny thing on his forehead, and a stick, and bad person and then randomly it happened. Everyone in the movie slept. Together! On a floor! In sleeping bags! In a big scary castle place, with ghosts and things! And well, Jin found this amazing.

When Jin is amazed, something quite queer - yes, perhaps even queerer than queer, maybe, even though it is slightly stretching it, queerer than Kazuya, he becomes mesmerized to the point that he becomes obsessed, and has to fulfil his obsession. And at the moment Jin was obsessed with sleeping on the floor, in a castle with a lot of people.

And so for a whole day Jin thought about it. He thought about it when he went to the bathroom, when he ate ramen, when he went to sleep, everywhere.

Usually after a few days - which in reality was only a few minutes, but to Jin - who had a rather small attention span - a few minutes felt like a few days - his obsession was whetted and he could go back to doing whatever he usually did - that was until he found another obsession.

But this time, the thought - the idea of sleeping with a lot of people on the floor of a scary castle really appealed to him. Finally, he did what he always did when something was important; he called Yamapi.

"Pi, have you ever slept?"

Yamapi declined to answer, since the answer was ridiculously obvious.

"I mean not just slept. I mean slept on the floor, with other people, in a castle, at night, with ghosts."

"Ghost? And in a castle? Hmm, no can't say I have."

"Well, I think we should."

"But you don't like scary things."

"Well, yes I suppose that's true. But you'll be there. In fact, we'll invited everyone. All the Johnny's. It'll be a giant party."

"A slumber party?" Yamapi provided.

"No, a sleep on the floor in a castle party. Duh. Pi, really you have no vocabulary." And for the next three and a half hours Jin prattled on and on about his "Sleep On the Floor In a Castle" party.

##

The news traveled astonishingly quickly. All Jin had to do was get Yamapi to mention to Koyama that he was having a party and then Koyama would do the rest. (Koyama was known around Johnny's for the being the foremost running gossipmonger. As a side note, Koyama was also known for his and Shige's Kinky Kitty Sex Lotion, that was available in three delicious flavours: strawberry, vanilla and the ever popular, tuna and could be purchased on Jbay - the Johnny's form of Ebay - if the price was right.)

As for the castle. Well, that was a bit of a predicament. Jin had discovered that in Japan, castles were National Treasures. And well, National Treasures were protected and to even visit one you had to have special privileges and clearance and all sorts of things, that Jin and the rest of the Johnny’s didn’t have.

So the pair of troublemakers had walked down the the Prime Minister and demanded that they be granted special permission to use a castle for one night for their "Sleep On the Floor In a Castle" party - which was, if he didn't know the event of the season. And well, everything was going well, until Yamapi asked how things became National Treasures and then the Prime Minister said that it was up to him and the Diet and that they had to be very special and important, and something that existed nowhere else in the world. Well, Yamapi happened to believe that his man boobs fell under that category and so he decided to take his shirt off and show the Prime Minister just how ample and special his chest was. And for some reason the Prime Minister had called in his special police force and had arrested Yamapi for indecent exposure. (There was no jail time involved, of course, as Johnny's are given a special pass against indecent exposure, stating that they are able to spend three-fourths of their lives without proper clothing, without facing charges.) But after that, it was, needless to say, impossible to go back to the Prime Minister and beg to use one of his special castles.

So following a few days with Yamapi declaring that he would never vote for that scumbag again - to which Jin was astonished, because Yamapi had actually voted? And not for himself. Because Jin had voted too, but he'd always just wrote his name in the blank spot, because he felt like writing his name. Jin decided that he'd have to give up on the castle and instead would settle for a rather large, rather spooky house.

But that too proved difficult. At first, Jin had the bright idea that at one of KAT-TUN's concerts he would announce that if any fangirl had a large spooky house, would she please let Johnny's borrow it for one night because, Jin want to throw a party and he would, of course, be eternally grateful. But then Yamapi had reminded him that Ya-Ya-Yah would most likely make an appearance at the party, and Jin was reminded of their famous orgies, with Taiyo being amazingly flexible, and Shoon's amazing tongue trick. (Jin himself had never experienced neither Taiyo's nor Shoon's amazing attributes, but had heard about them, because Hikaru was a screamer, and one time during Summery,when he'd been in the bathroom - which as a F.Y.I. is the most likely place to overhear an orgy - and all the sudden he'd heard, "OH FUCK SHOON! YOU HAVE AN AMAZING TONGUE WITH FUCKING AMAZING ABILITIES AND FUCK ME NOW, TAIYO, YOU BITCH WHO IS AMAZINGLY FLEXIBLE!" - which was surprising and also rather sickening, because Hikaru and the rest were like five and five year old were not supposed to be sexually active, but of course with Ya-Ya-Yah you never did quite know.) And, well, if they were in a fangirl's house, she would most likely want to join in the party or at least watch, and well, Ya-Ya-Yah and their freaky orgies, was not something that really needed to hit the press.

Jin agreed with Yamapi, and so he did what he always did when he was in a spot of trouble. He went to Johnny.

Johnny proved to be quite helpful and after a few favours - of the type we won't mention here - he came up with the perfect house for Jin's "Sleep On the Floor In a Castle That Is Really a Spooky House" party.

##

And thus we are lead here. To a spooky house, right outside of Tokyo, where approximately two hundred boys are gathered. Now, we won't take the time to mention everyone there. Just a few major ones. Jin and Yamapi, of course. Kame, who swore he wouldn't come, but ended up coming anyway, because Yamapi had promise free eyebrow waxings. TUN and most of the band formally known as NEWS. (Kusano actually appeared too, sneaking in through a window and then hiding behind Massu, because Massu was ridiculously built and was perfect for hiding behind.) KANJANI8, bring Takoyaki - Uchi, coming along too, as a personal favour to Jin. T&T stumbling in late, mumbling something about Takki in tight pants and glue and trying to get them off. (But even Jin could see the tube of lube, still in Tsubasa's back pocket.)

Ya-Ya-Yah had shown up - Shoon with his tongue in Yabu's ear and Hikaru asking Taiyo if he'd ever thought about putting his foot over his head and then fucking him.

A.B.C. came doing cartwheels and flips and the sort of things that clowns do. Kiss My Ft.5 or whatever number, made it, out of obligation and the J.J.thingies, skipped along merrily, declaring something about the great honour.

All in all, it was a great showing and Jin was rather proud of himself - which was not really rare, as when Jin did something as trivial as blinking he was proud - but still this seemed like a great achievement, in rankings of achievements and such.

But then it happened. Jin and Koki gone to get a glass of milk and a cookie from the kitchen, because they were still hungry and all of the sudden the lights blinked and the power turned off, and when next he looked - Koki was dead.

Jin was to say the least, and ran - dropping his milk and cookie all over Koki's dead body - to the living room. Where he made his declaration. "SOMEONE KILLED KOKI!" he yelled to two hundred shocked faces.

Everyone - even Kame, who was plucking his eyebrows and when he gets in eyebrow plucking mood, watch the fuck out - blinked and stopped. They stopped and waited. "I was in the kitchen with him, and the lights flashed and then Koki just died," Jin surveyed the room. It was full of boys aged seven months to almost thirty, each and everyone a suspect.

"And one of you," he said, pointing the crowd, "is a suspect, in his death." Jin was it can be said a tad histrionic, especially in cases of murder and sex. "One of you. One of you KILLED KOKI!"

Then there was chaos. Even when Kame and Yamapi started singing "Seishun Amigo" - which was actually a secret ancient spell, known for hypnotizing people to do whatever you wished - the chaos still continued. It was only Kame and Yamapi singing louder coupled with mesmerizing hip-trusts and lip things from Jin did the crowd finally quiet down.

##

Jin, Yamapi and Kame - as the three top Johnny's had decided to lead up the investigation.

Kame believed the first thing to do what go back to Koki's body and investigate. To see if there were any clues. However, when they went back, mysteriously enough Koki's corpse was gone.

This lead to a small panic on Jin's part, consisting of "Oh my fucking god! Koki is a zombie and he is going to eat my brain. Oh. My. Fucking. God." and he did a motion that was not unlike what you do to dry your fingernails after you paint them, and was actually quite a sissy move, even more than say, Kame would do, which was of course, in the rankings of sissy-ness, quite an achievement.

Yamapi - having enjoyed detective stories when he was a child - bought up the idea of questioning their fellow Johnny's. Jin thought this was a fine idea - himself in childhood, enjoying teen dramas because his mother watched them, as a side note. And they gathered up an Interrogation team. Besides themselves, they assigned Ryo - who was a sexy Osakan Man and also a secret agent and would use his vast levels of sexiness to persuade people to spill their guts, Uchi - who would use his image as a weakling to get close to someone and then pounce, Koyama and Shige, who had proven themselves wonderful persuaders, as every Johnny had a life time supply of their Kinky Kitty Sex Lotion in their closet and Toma was added, because of the amazing stamina and patience he held - you couldn't remain a Jr. for that long, and not have some sort of special patience. Junnosuke, too, was at first assigned a role, too, but when he started making bad puns to each and every suspect, Jin had to send him to the special "Junno Room" for a time out.

Questioning lead nowhere. First, they had questioned Tegoshi and Massu - who had before Koki's murder, had been rubbing Koki's head for good luck as they were expecting their fourteenth child, but that lead them nothing, as apparently, Tegoshi water had broken and Massu had been searching for hot towels and had thus far collected 875129836469 towels and had had no time for murder.

Needless to say, they went through all 197 Johnny's present and each and everyone had a alibi. (Even though, Jin had the bright idea that they should just put all them in jail, because each and everyone of them could have been guilty and thus they should be in jail and getting fucked in the ass - which was for most not really a punishment, unless, well they were slightly inclined towards masochism.)

It lead them to night, and Jin wanting to continue with "Sleep On the Floor In a Castle That Is Really a Spooky House", had decided that the person responsible for the crime would probably strike again and thus everyone else should just go to sleep - because that was the whole point - and the Interrogation Party would keep an eye out. (Of course most of the Johnny's - mostly Subaru and Maru - had thought that sleep meant fuck and were currently taking off their clothes and doing the dirty, but whatever.)

They, well Kame, who was of course taking the spot as leader, assigned different times for different pairs. Jin's time was, oddly with his; first.

The first hour - which was really 8 seconds - consisted of a nod at each other, then a quick look the other way. After all, it wasn't as though they had a crush on the other. The next hour - this time it was two whole minutes - was when the tension started. Jin was slightly hot - as in temperature, not hot as in the hotness, even though he was that too, and so he unbuttoned the first few - which was actually all of them because, that's what Johnny's are inclined towards, taking it all off instead of just a little peak and show - and well, Jin, who is quite the sex kitty decided to put on a little strip tease for the spiders, because, hell who knew what freaky things arachnids liked, and well, Kamenashi caught him out of the corner of his eye.

Jin - it just so happens is actually the reincarnation of a sexual god from some place, and thus, it turns out, it is impossible to see him strip with out being turned on. And well, Kame, it turned out, was already attracted to Jin and so this was an extra exposure to the sexiness, and it was overflowing. And well, Kame was, slightly, turned on.

So, the next hour - it was actually a record of five minutes - consisted of Kame trying to not touch himself, and not think about Jin - half naked giving a strip tease to some extremely lucky creatures.

Kame tried to sit there and be normal, to keep watch for any potential killers, and he would have been fine. Everything would have been a-okay - unless, unless Jin did oral things. Because that was Kame's limit that was the one thing that Kame couldn't stand. And so during the next hour - which was two to six seconds, but who's counting? - when Jin started to fondle his lips, not unlike someone would a lover - Kame jumped.

And magically landed on Jin's lap. Jin's lap is neither big nor made to attract pretty girlish boys, so the awesome-ness of this feat should not be lost. And when Kame land on Jin's lap. Quite a few things happened.

First, Jin said hello. It was perfect, because, well, Jin and Kame didn't speak much - well, really at all - and thus hellos between the pair of them were extremely limited.

And well, Kame blushed a little, because, he was turned on, and he was sure, judging by the faint smirk Jin was wearing that Jin knew, and then, Jin kissed him. It was stupid and dumb, and Jin tasted like milk and cookies and stupid and it was just what Kame needed. Jin kissed him, quickly, forcing his tongue in, and almost splitting Kame's lips in the process. It was like Jin was a tobacco addict and Kame was his cigar. Kame moaned a little, and touched Jin. Touched his hair, and his face, and his neck. And Jin liked it. He must, because, he encouraged Kame to continue. To touch him there, and there and finally there. A momentary flash of "Not here" pasted through Kame's brain, but he tried to ignore it. Tried to forget about all that and just be here. Just taste Jin, and think about his lips and what things they could do.

It worked, because the next thing Kame knew, Jin had rolled on top of him and was kissing down his neck and unbuttoning his pyjama top. And Kame was touching Jin too. "I - do you want to?" Jin said simply, having finally gotten Kame's pyjama top open and currently tracing patterns on Kame's abdomen.

Kame nodded, and Jin laughed, something that sounded crazy and erotic and sweet; something that really was Jin. And then he groped Kame. Perhaps grope is not the correct turn of phrase. He didn't exactly grope him, but well he wasn't exactly graceful about it either. Instead, when Jin touched Kame's cock, it was rough and rather like childhood experiments and uneasiness and youth and something that neither had really experienced.

Kame suddenly understood, that perhaps he should touch Jin too, because, that might feel good too, and so he did. Jin's cock was really a thing of wonder for Kame. Kame had always envisioned that Jin's cock would be like his cock. Would feel the same, would be the same size, would be the same. But it wasn't. Jin cock was fuller than Kame's and perhaps a little longer. It was hard, and thick and hot. And it turned Kame on, and then Jin was wrapping his hand completely around his cock, and it felt - um - oh - yeah was really the only thing Kame could say and think - besides, "Jin. Jin. God, Jin." Because it was Jin, and Jin was touching him, and still kissing him, and -- shit, he was going to come. He was going to come after only a few minutes - which was in reality a few minutes - and Jin was - Jin was going to come too.

##

Twenty minutes later, Jin and Kame had found a comfortable peace (and orgasmed) and where attempting to watch for intruders and Koki's murder when suddenly Yamapi burst in the room. "Shit," he said. "Jin we have a problem." Then he did a tri-take at the sight.

"Fuck! You fucking finally fucked, you fuckers." He was amazed - and also set a record for saying the f-word as many time as possible.

"Well - you know. I've been wanting his panties for quite a while, and after all, I always get what I want."

Yamapi laughed. "But anyway, about our problem. Toma and I were - that is to say - "

"He was sucking you off?"

"No, other way around. But anyway - we were sucking each other off, in the back room, and well, all of the sudden we heard moaning."

"Moaning?" Kame asked, worming his way into the conversation as he did so many other things.

"Yeah, you know, like someone was getting hurt. Well, I finished Toma off as quickly as I could - even though he was being a real bitch today. He fucking pulled my hair Jin. My hair. You know how much my fucking hair costs? Fucking dom. One of these days I'm going to show him what the Pi-Mister is all about...And well, I couldn't just let him come. So, of course there was a little teasing and junk, but after all that, I swear it wasn't more five ten minutes tops, because Toma doesn't have a lot of stamina, when it comes to head -" Yamapi stopped his rant, after looking at both Jin and Kame who were snoring (And attempting to feel each other up, but that is better left unsaid. Thus we won't talk about how Kame really wanted to touch Jin's cock and how Jin didn't mind and was letting him.) "but anyway, when we went to investigate, there wasn't anything! And then those little J.J.thingies were like 'Oh! Great Pi-sama! We heard it too!' So, I'm thinking it must be a ghost. Jin, this house is haunted!"

"Haunted?" Jin asked, sounding somewhat unconvinced.

Yamapi nodded enthusiastically, and Kame rose eyeing him in the - well, the eyes, and they followed started to follow Yamapi out. "Be prepared though," Yamapi warned. "Golf and Mike decided to show up - and well, Junno's been making bad puns the whole time. The last time I was out there, he ask Golf if he'd ever 'Tee bagged Mike'. It was, needless to say, quite disturbing."

##

They made their way, through the living room - where Junno was still making bad puns, but this time along the lines of "So just how is that cock in Bangkok?" - and after a round of questioning the J.J.thingies, who proclaimed that "Oh Jin-sama and Kame-sama ghost! There were! It was scary." Jin and Kame decided that they would have to investigate things further.

They took along the members of the Interrogation Team, and Yamapi and Toma lead them to a dark part of the house. It was so dark that no one could really make out where they were going.

"Ryo! That was my ass not, Uchi's." Toma screamed, as Ryo's hand pinched his butt.

"Kame! That's not Jin's cock your stroking!" Koyama screeched, jumping away from Kame's advances and falling all over Yamapi who was attempting to beat up Ryo for touching Toma in a way that was to him not appropriate.

"ARF!" Jin said, sound almost like a dog.

"What? Missing Pin?" Yamapi said.

"No, I just slammed into something. Something warm."

"Something warm? Like a person? Or a ghost, because wouldn't ghost be cool?" Shige was amazing voice of reason.

"Yes, and well I suppose I couldn't slam into one, now could I?" Jin asked, doing something orally fixated with his lips, but it was totally lost on the whole group because of the dark. "Did anyone bring a flashlight?"

There was a small amount of scampering, as each person checked his pocket and other places for a flashlight. There was chorus of "no" heard, and then Kame cursed. "Well...let's just keep going. We'll come back and see whatever it was Jin bumped into to." Everyone of course moved to follow Kame's directions, but as Jin started to move there was a giant grunt. "Oh fuck, Jin. What do you weight? Three tons?"

"Koki?" Jin asked, as though he was scared half to death.

"No, the real names god. Yes, you idiot. Shit, first you drop milk and cookies all over me, and now stepping on me. Damn. You don’t know anything about common courtesy, do you?"

Jin screamed. “It's Koki's ghost! And he’s come to take revenge on his murder! Everyone RUN!"

Everyone of course ran. Because it was ghost, and it was Koki and who knew just what an apparition of Koki might do. Because after all, who really knew what Koki himself would do?

Koki just watched the group run. He really needed to go take his narcolepsy medicine.

##

The next morning, there was quite a lot of explaining. And so after fifty rounds of “Now, whose lube is this?”

First of all, there was the whole bit about whether or not Koki was actually dead. Well, it turned out that Koki had narcolepsy, and it occurred after flashes of light - or in this case the power.

At first Jin’s reaction was, “Narco-Pepsi? Isn’t that a soft drink?” But then after Koki and Kame explained to him, about the sudden sleep attacks and such, he understood - even though he still swore he would never drink Pepsi again, since it, of course, caused you to look like you were dead. And make people believe you had been murdered when you really were just sleeping.

Yamapi was the one who answered the case about the ghosts. “Oh, that,” He said almost three days later, when Jin was still quite puzzled over it. “It was Ueda and Maru in the other room. Apparently, Ueda was giving him a quickie before you all came back. And, you know that little lip sucker Ueda. He’d make anyone groan.”

Jin laughed and hung up the phone; glad the party was a success and that no one was hurt and that he had a nice - and bossy! - Kame in his bed. It really made Koki’s near death worth it.

Author's End Note's: So who knows what movie Jin was watching? It should be quite easy. Hint: You could say it's a slash favorite.