I'm an almost twenty-year old with a intense love of my wienie dogs. All three of them. I've taken a year off from college and am still suck in my between place, deciding what I want to do. I'm going back to school, after my little period of drift, grow up.
I do people work at the moment. Sales and making people smile. All for a dollar and fifteen hundred calories. Yes, you guessed it, fast food. McDonald's to be more specific.
I've given birth to child and then placed him up for adoption. He's the love of my life, and turning six months on the 21st. I'm flying up this Saturday to see him – and maybe stop by the Hello Kitty store. (And Woodfield. Oh, god. Woodfield. Yes!)
I read a little bit of everything. Right now focusing on Science Fiction, but my favorite author has to be Mr. Orwell, just because I like a little mind-fuck. I like Mr. Russian man of death – Vladmir Nabokov. As well as J.K. Rowling, Sandy Mitchell (Guarantee no one knows that one). Best book ever – Truly could not tell you, even though Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, is simply an amazing piece and EVERYONE should read it. Poetry - I hate Robert Frost. Like Shakespear. Love - Old Greek Poetry.
I'm very liberated, essentially for a white, middle-class, almost-sort of Southern college student.
I have a love China and have requested for the Eights off, just to see the opening of what will be their proudest moment in ages. (Finally, thank to gods.) I do realize they are a horrible case of how humans, (And as a former veggie gal, I feel the need to include, animals) should be treated. But the Economy! Oh! The Economy of Magic!
I don't like white boys. Not sexually.
I like Obama. I think sexually and maybe slightly political, but I'm a libertarian, so not economically.
Um. Yes. So. Me.
Sam
Title: Little By Little
Author: Sam!
Rating: Disney movie? G!
Pairings: Pin. Yamapi/Jin
Summary: It starts with the little things.
Author's Note: Oh my god! I haven't written anything since college started besids term papers or anything. But this semester I took one less class! And have time for pretty boys! No one probably remembers me, but that's okay! Let's pretend I'm the new kid.
- Mood:
bouncy
Title: Freedom (2/?)
Author: Sam
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Ohkura Tadayoshi has three weeks of freedom left before he gets hitched. Can he find it in the short, cute, mesmerizing host that he's picked out to be his last taste of bachelorhood?
Fandom: JE, Kanjani8, Ohkura Tadayoshi/Yasuda Shota, Mentions of many other couples including Nishikido Ryo/Uchi Hiroki and Maruyama Ryuhei/Shibutani Subaru
A/N: Okay, so, I was listening to the radio and they said that "Pretty Women" was the best Valentine's movie out there. So I was like, "I'LL SLASH IT UP!" And I'm so dying because of Hana Yori Dango, so this crazy Pretty Dango CAME TO BE! (Pretty Dango actually makes sense! Pretty Boys! :D) This might be massive? Maybe? I'm not so sure, but it has the makings to be either massive or small. And yes, I haven't written anything besides History essays for the past two months. Omg, I missed it. ♥ Wow. Honorificabilitudinitatibus <-- Coolest word ever.
Comments and lit crit are better than Hana Yori Dango subtitles. For realz. ♥
- Mood:
Here - Music:G Junior - Krub Krub
Title: Freedom (1/?)
Author: Sam
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Ohkura Tadayoshi has three weeks of freedom left before he gets hitched. Can he find it in the short, cute, mesmerizing host that he's picked out to be his last taste of bachelorhood?
Fandom: JE, Kanjani8, Ohkura Tadayoshi/Yasuda Shota, Mentions of many other couples including Nishikido Ryo/Uchi Hiroki and Maruyama Ryuhei/Shibutani Subaru
A/N: Okay, so, I was listening to the radio and they said that "Pretty Women" was the best Valentine's movie out there. So I was like, "I'LL SLASH IT UP!" And I'm so dying because of Hana Yori Dango, so this crazy Pretty Dango CAME TO BE! (Pretty Dango actually makes sense! Pretty Boys! :D) This might be massive? Maybe? I'm not so sure, but it has the makings to be either massive or small. And yes, I haven't written anything besides History essays for the past two months. Omg, I missed it. ♥
Comments and Lit Crit and stuff like that is Ambrosia and all that foods of the gods that tastes good over cereal. ♥
- Mood:
Whee~! - Music:Domoto Koichi - Album of Sex?
Author: Sam
Rating: NC-17 - for sex. Yum?
Genre: Angst and sex. Again.
Fandom: JE, 関ジャニ∞ , Ohkura Tadayoshi/Yasuda Shota
Summary: Ohkura really wasn't into cute things. He was into things that were long and things that were lean an things that were fake, fake enough to make him forget.
A/N: The second (and last) part of the adjectives. This one is Ohkura-centric and is paired with Cute. There is mentionings of het in here, it's not NC-17 or anything, but if it's a turn-off, don't read.
Comments are wonderful. Also, nitpicks and mistake finding and lit crit are super duper. ♥
So is this one better or worse than the first one? :D
- Location:Chair of doom
- Music:Tegomasu - Hajimete no Asa
Title: Cute
Author: Sam
Rating: Hard R?
Genre: Angst and sex - the power team?
Fandom: Kanjani8, Ohkura Tadayoshi/Yasuda Shota
Summary: Shota knew that Ohkura wasn't into cute guys.
A/N: Ohyass angst? Has it been done? And done well? This is inspired by how Shota loves himself. I mean for serious, that boy, he doesn't push himself on anyone. And I can't see him changing himself for anyone, even Ohkura.
Comments are wonderful. Also, nitpicks and mistake finding and lit crit are super duper. ♥
- Location:Chair
- Mood:
Here? - Music:Greedy - Subaru
I AM HUNGRY AND STILL NOT DONE WITH THE PROJECTS. AND HAVE NOT SLEPT AND OMG, TODAY THEY ARE DUE OR I WILL FAIL. D:
PLEASE, GOD, SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE. I HAVE TO FINISH AND EAT SOMETHING. SHIT.
LAJLDFKJADLSKFJ FUCK. WHY DO I WAIT FOR THE LAST MOMENT. AND WHY DO I GET DISTRACTED. AND WHY AM I UPDATING. WHY? I SHOULD BE DOING WORK. STOP. UGH. UGH. UGH.
- Mood:
UGH! - Music:Love Addiction - Koyama Keiichiro
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU IN THIS PERFORMANCE OKURA. I HAVE HAVING. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE WHERE I HIT MY HEAD PERFORMANCES.
AND HELLO CUTE JUNIOR. PLEASE TO MEET.
WAIT! IS THAT. DRAGON. PLASIC. BREATHING SMOKE. IT. I. YES.
SUBARU - BATHROOM. NOT STAGE. PLEASE.
END POSE. THEY. SOMETHING DIFFERENT EVERYTIME. AND POOR YU, MAYBE IF YOUR HAIRCUT WASN'T SO BAD THE SMOKE WOULDN'T HAVE COVERED YOU UP. AND RYO YOU NEEDED SOME OF SHOTA'S HAPPY PILLS. FOR SERIOUS.
AND JUST BECAUSE I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT. I LIKE, HOW, IN KANJANI8 YOU SEE EVERYONE. LIKE IN CERTAIN OTHER BANDS ::COUGH::NEWS::COUGH:: YOU HAVE TO PLAY WHERE'S SHIGE! OH! SNAP! THERE HE IS JIVING TO SIDE! OR REALLY YOU HAVE TO PLAY WHERE'S ANYONE WHO ISN'T YAMAPI. NOT THAT I MIND, AS YAMAPI IS YAMAPI BUT, YOU KNOW. SOMETIMES I LIKE TO SEE A LITTLE BIT OF SOMEONE WHO ISN'T A VEGTABLE. IT MAKES ME HAPPY.
ANYWAY. I HAVE WORK IN AN HOUR AND FOURTY FIVE MINUTES. I SHOULD LIKE SHOWER. AND PUT LOTION ON MY FEET AND DRINK SOME WATER. BUT I JUST KEEP WATCHING OHKURA.. AND THEN, SEE, THIS IS GREAT. I, YOU ARE AWESOME. OHKURA HAVE BABIES WITH ME. SO MUCH TALENT. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE HOW THE PV IS SERIOUS SEXY AND THESE PERFORMANCES ARE CRACK IT IS A GREAT THING. THERE ARE ONLY THREE PERFORMANCES? RIGHT? I HAVE NOT MISSED OUT ON THE GREAT? PLEASE? TELL ME?
- Location:Room of death
- Mood: Kanjani mood
- Music:Kanfuu fighting song dance thing
Author: Sam
Fandom: JE, Kanjani8, Ryouchi, Ohyass, Tackey/Tsubasa
Rating: PG-13 - for swearing
Summary: Uchi only did it once but nine months later they all got a surprise.
Warnings:
A/N: WHAT? Ryo is preggers? For seriouz?! I'm sorry, this is what happens after you watch a marothon of Eito Rangers. It just, I, the crack, it happens. It doesn't go away. Oh, I I totez need a Ohyass icon. Someone want to make me one? Yes? YES?!
- Mood: EITO RANGERS!
- Music:Samurai Blues - Kanjani8
Author: Sam
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: JE, Kanjani8, Ohyass, AU
Summary: He needed Yasuda to understand that he could be his answer. He could be more than a psychologist, more than a therapist. He could be his relief. He could be his forever and they could be each other's happily ever after.
Disclaimer: Whereas, I do own a pretty
A/N: This was written after seeing those damn looks that Ohkura has. When he's playing his drums. THEY ARE FUCKING SEXY AND SCARY AND I DO EVEN KNOW! I JUST LOVE THEM. Also, to
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
konliza because your little Harry Potter like fic thing that eats my brain makes you a whore. And I love it. Yes.- Music:Ready? - Kisumai
Author: Sam
Rating: R
Genre: Post-WWII AU, Angst
Fandom: Kanjani8/NEWS, Ryo/Uchi, mentions of Jin/Ryo
Summary: Before the war there were numbers. After, there were only guesses.
A/N: Inspired by all the lovely and amazing and crazy Ryo/Uchi fics that I've been reading like crazy. Also, because I am procrastinating. And because I love Japan post-WWII studies. I'm a freak, I know.
Comments and criticism loved. :D
- Mood:
Procrastinating - Music:F4 - Yigeren de dong ji
Title: Group
Rating: PG
Fandom: Kanjani8 - Ohyassu and Ryouchi
Summary: Together they were more than just eight boys from Osaka
Disclaimer: Will eventually own all eight of their bracelets since I can't make up my mind, however, as for the real things? UNLESS THEY COME WITH THE BRACELETS - THEN IT IS A NO!
A/N: I love Kanjani8. I just can't get enough. They eat my brain.
So, yes, hearts or not, folks?
- Mood:
Princess!Uchi-like - Music:Oh! Enka - Kanjani8
Even my personality is somewhat cute,I like cute things, I trip and fumble and things. But I like to party and really am a party girl. Who likes sex. Have I ever mentioned this before in my LJ? I really enjoy this particular part of almost every relationship. I like sex. I like being sexual attractive.
However, when it comes to cute girls, cute girls, more often than not get paired with cute guys. Cute guys with cute personalities who take them on cute dates and they make cute babies.
And most cute girls are fine with this. However, I really truth be told, have never been okay with this. I like, am attracted to, sexy guys. Long, lanky guys, who are graceful and suave. Guys who smoke and wear tight clothing. Thin guys, with long fingers, and I like dark eyes and dyed hair. Guys who don't say much, but say everything with their few words. And don't laugh but sort of chuckle.
But, well I've never found this sort of guy - well that's a lie, I've found him, just he hasn't been attracted to me, and so when I met Will, I was shocked that he was.
I mean, here is this tall, thin, Spanish guy with black hair and wearing a fucking button down shirt and smoking beside Wal-Mart. Here's a guy who the first thing he asks me is for my phone number and the second what time to pick me up. (The last I suppose was "Do you have a condom?")
Here is this guy, who unlike anyone else I've ever gone out with doesn't laugh at my jokes, but instead does this really cool thing where he laughs with his jokes and is amused by me but is too cool to actually laugh.
I'm really smitten. As the sex is fjealhjl;reajf; - not that we've had sex yet, just a prelude to it. And he kisses in that soft, not sort of touching way, that is still touching but sometimes you aren't so sure. And that is completely the best way to be touched. It lights my fire.
And I'm just really amazed that he's attracted to me. This type of guy is NEVER attracted to me. I just don't light their fire, even though they light mine.
I dunno. Maybe I'm a little sexy and I never knew? But I'm too clumsy and cute to be. Or maybe he's just an odd freak who's attracted to cute guys, despite being sexy.
We're going out tomorrow, and we went out yesterday, so I'll keep you updated. I'm just amazed by this right now. That I'm a little sexy? That I can turn boys on? And not just make them want to buy me lollipops?
- Location:Room of Doom
- Mood: amused
- Music:Smack That - The radio?
Oh god. I gained weight. And am still sick and feel like crawling in a ball and sobbing.
I - ugh. I don't know why I'm even updating. Nothing else to do. I was watching Dramas but I'm not in the mood as fandom kind of makes everything worse for once.
And I was excited about how Tegomass was an actual band but then the Oedipus complex in that song. D: Seriously. What are they doing with a song about that? It makes me sad.
I'm just so burnt out on everything. And I keep just running away from everything and crying and today really sucks you know? It fucking looks like shit outside and everything is going wrong and I just want to find something to do and get my mind off of stuff and I want to have fun. And I just - I hate when I get so pensive and start feeling sorry for myself. What's wrong with me? Something needs to happen to make me happy. Someone quick do something.
P.S.
Dear Four Tops,
You and your song of complete sadness is killing me. Nami if I listen to you anymore I wll have to just die. And no more watching the performance because that kills me even worse.
Love,
Sam
- Mood:
D:
Title:
The Throes of HellAuthor: Sam
Rating: R
Fandom: JE, Pin, AU - based off of " A Beautiful Mind"
Summary: Jin was always real to Yamapi.
A/N: I LOVE THIS. I really love my writing in this. I'm proud of it, and I wrote it while on cough medicine of doom and on no sleep and being psychotic - which makes sense - and watching old movies on TV. And "A Beautiful Mind" came on and I was like "Ooh!" And I'm also not flaily but emo.
( The Throes of Hell )
"Akanishi Jin." A hand reaches out grabbing Yamapi's tightly.
The hand belongs to a young boy, the same age as Yamapi, his face is thin, but his lips are plump, and he brings his red tongue out to lick them and Yamapi watches, hand still being held by the Akanishi. The Akanishi laughs; his face pleasant and the melodious to Yamapi's ears and says that they are going to be great friends and the shakes Yamapi's hand, before letting it fall between them.
Yamapi wonders how someone can know that two people are going to be great friends seeing as they have only just met, and asks Akanishi, who scratches his head and frowns and says that he doesn't know how he knows he
Finally, after a strange moment of gawking, Yamapi smiles back, coolly and shakes Jin's hand, and tells him that he knows too.
just does.The walls of his confinement are white. A stalk white that makes his mind spin with its array of shades, and with it's shapes. A blind nothingness that comes again and again, catching him off guard when he least expects it. Like a sniper for the Russians, or something much, much worse. Some days, days of void, days of no tests, no exercises, no therapy, Yamapi will stare at the walls for hours, his own secret picture show, watching the light catch the eggshell gloss.
And Yamapi watches for an ineffable amount of time, transfixed the brilliant glow of the wall. He sometimes stops to wonder how long he stares at it - the hollow emptiness, that after a while, stops being so empty - for a while he would be able to count the days, marked by the not so sporadic days; test day, exercises day, therapy day. However, after time, time the essence of his being, the one thing driving him to the ends of insanity and brushing him into genius, the days being came random, lost in a sea of hours, minutes, seconds spent staring at the cold space, imagining or seeing - after all, he can't know what's real anymore - distant spaces a figures, not knowing how long he sleeps or if that glimmer of light is the sun, the moon, or worst the fluorescent fake light spawning from someone else begin admitted to this prison.
Yamapi feels sorry for these new captives. They don't understand yet; they scream and holler and fight and try and don't understand, being passive is key, if they are passive, everything will be all right.
"I made a friend today." Yamapi announces, throwing his books on top of the kitchen table, and smiles.
"That's nice, honey." His mother looks distressed, the constant pull of being a single mother, making her looks finally start to fade. She stirs around their dinner, adding something here and there and Yamapi frowns and makes a note in his head that one day he'll repay her, give her back something for all she's given him.
"His name's Jin. Akanishi Jin. He goes to some hoity-toity school near here." Yamapi grabs an apple and takes a bite, relaying every piece of information about Jin that he'd managed to pick up in the three hours they had chatted. "I said that he could come over some, but he said that his parents probably won't agree."
Yamapi's mother hums some sort of reply, her characteristic 'That's nice' or something that means she's only halfway paying attention, that something else is straining on her mind, keeping her from giving Yamapi the attention he wanted.
Yamapi frowns and mumbles something, barely audible - "I wish Dad was here."
The first time he meets Kamenashi, he's sitting down staring at the wall. He hadn't been in his hell long, and the constant pang of horror still came every once in a while, when boredom or paranoid seemed to cross over his thoughts more than normal.
Yamapi will always remember the first words Kamenashi spoke to him. The words plague his thoughts, his retrieves, they eat at him, until nothing is left but flesh and bones - his mind a piece of goo with only the words, I'm Kamenashi Kazuya and I'm here to help you. going through it, over and over again. Over again - each word, each syllable said exactly the way Kamenashi said it. Down to the last letter. Verbatim.
Kamenashi had sat him in a different sort of room. There was a tint to the walls. A yellow tint that was suppose to remind one of summer days and flowers and the sun, but instead sent visions of faded pages, of the mellow, waxy completion of someone - someone like Yamapi who hadn't been exposed to sunlight in a matter or some months. It sent him memories of melting plastic, the stink of the decaying flesh, of his own urine.
He was already sick, and when Kamenashi told him, This isn't real. This life you lead. It isn't real. really it wasn't surprising that he threw up all over Kamenashi.
"This is Sukesako-sensei. She's a psychologist, Tomohisa and she wants to help." Yamapi's mother, sits, apron still on, her hair mussed after her long day.
Yamapi's eyes drift to a women. She's thin, with an ugly face and an ugly hair cut and ugly clothes. Yamapi frowns and begins counting tiles on the ceiling. "Tomohisa-kun?" The woman asks, staring at Yamapi with an ugly look on her face. "I hear you're quite smart, right?" She smiles, but it's an ugly sort of smile and Yamapi frowns.
"Top of his class." Yamapi's mother smiles too, giving him that 'You're such a good boy' look and he almost waits for her to throw him a treat and pat him on the head.
"Great!" A few of Sukesako-sensei's teeth are crooked and Yamapi wonders why someone didn't just save her the money and knock them out for her. At least then she could just get fake ones.
Yamapi shrugs, and Sukesako-sensei writes something down on a clipboard, squinting in a way that makes her eyes even smaller - not that Yamapi had known it was possible.
"I also hear, you have a friend named," She looks down at her clipboard and Yamapi bits his lower lip in the same way that Jin did. The way she'd said 'friend' - it was strange. "Akanishi Jin."
Yamapi's mother's stare locks on to his and Yamapi feels more than a little uncomfortable.
Three pills are his worse enemy. Three pills. Three tiny, trivial pills, none any bigger than coins, are his rival. They sit there, on his grub tray, staring back at him, one a shinning red, the other a white one, circular with the imprint of something on its center. But the last is the most deadly. It's green and so tiny that once when Yamapi had dropped it, he hadn't been able to see it for minutes or hours or weeks or days - Yamapi really didn't know as time was no longer tangible to him.
The pills sit there, squinting up at them, and he squints back, until the pills back their first punch. Yamapi stands there as he feels the shinning red one slam right into his chest, and he almost doubles up, from the impact. The white one taunts him, and he takes it into his mouth and bits down, trying to dominate it; trying to win over it. He swallows the pill's flesh, with a quick gulp and eye the last one. The green one. The confront each other time and time again, but overtime turns out the same. Each time the pill jeers and gibes at Yamapi, and Yamapi jeers and gibes back at it, the pair lost in their dance.
Eventually, Yamapi takes his hand and snatches the pill off it's safe haven and drowns it in his saliva. Yamashita Tomohisa feels insane for a moment.
"I want to come over tonight." Jin hisses. "I have college entrance exams in two weeks and I need some stress-free time." Jin rocks back and forth in his swing, his body swaying and Yamapi tries not to watch.
Yamapi bits down on his lower lip, shocked, but not enough to respond.
"You can't tell your mom. I don't want her knowing that I'm over there - not if my parents figure it out."
Yamapi starts to protest, protest the fact that no one has met Jin, except him, and he wants people to know Jin and love Jin just like he does. Not that Jin knows Yamapi loves him.
"Of course you can." Yamapi crosses him arms, and swings along-side Jin, fighting to urge to say anything different.
Kamenashi's office is the only thing that Yamapi hasn't gotten used to. Kamenashi is a mad man with a strange voice and odd habits and weirder urges.
Kamenashi will come once the door opens, bringing with him the stank of the outside world. He stand there, smiling, as though if Yamapi will just smile at him - give him some of his soul, then the world will be all right.
Kamenashi takes him to a room and Yamapi stands, afraid to sit down, because what if the chairs - large monstrosities of black leather and silver talons, come and attack him and render him weak and useless? What if Kamenashi has had them spelled or cursed or hexed?
Instead, Yamapi stands in Kamenashi's room squinting and shuffling his feet while trying not to listen to Kamenashi's voice - the soft quality hypnotizing.
Kamenashi will smile at him again, a smile that was oddly contrived and walk over, and touch him. A simple gesture. A tap on the shoulder, and brush of hair out of his eyes. And Yamapi will want to give in. Will want to listen to all that Kamenashi has to say, but then he remembers this is all a trap.
Jin's hand brushes the tip of Yamapi's cock and Yamapi moans in the back of his throat. "Shit, Jin."
Jin laughs, staring at Yamapi, through heavily veiled eyes, and the sound comes out more as a sexy chuckle and Yamapi gasps and Jin's hand encloses around his member.
"I love you." Jin says and Yamapi's eyes widen like they always do when Jin says those sacred words.
Yamapi wonders, sometimes when he's alone and Jin's off doing something, if Jin really understands that almost no one tells Yamapi that he's loved. That Jin is Yamapi's first, Yamapi's second and Yamapi's last.
Jin still visits. How Yamapi has no idea but he's still there, sometimes outside his door, his voice ringing clear in Yamapi's mind, as Yamapi tries to claw at the door, trying to dig a way out.
He's there when Yamapi is stroking his cock, in a mindless daze, his fingers wrapped around it, instead of Yamapi's and his breath in Yamapi's ear telling him to come, to come and come and come for him.
He's there when Yamapi sobs, his arms surround Yamapi, they hold him all night and sooth his woes, with a rub on the back.
When Yamapi visits Kamenashi is the only time he never spots Jin.
"I think I might study abroad." Jin says casually one day, rubbing Yamapi's head in that way that Yamapi liked it.
Yamapi looks up, catching Jin's eyes and sees that he's serious. "I - no." Yamapi states, shaking his head. "You can't leave."
Jin chuckles in that special Jin chuckle. "I'm just afraid something will happen." Jin says, oddly sounding sober. "I'm afraid my dad will come here. Take me away." The 'away from you and away from our life together' comes through amazingly clear.
Yamapi nuzzled against Jin. "I won't let anyone take you away from me."
In hell, Yamapi makes a friend. A man by the name of Takizawa, and the man is alone and crazy and at first Yamapi pities him. Takizawa talks in his sleep and screams a name. Tsubasa. Tsubasa come back. Tsubasa, where did you go? Is his constant monologue and Yamapi tries not to listen. But even as he tries not to listen, he hears. He hears stories of Tsubasa and Takizawa. Of the things they did, the life they led, together. As one.
Yamapi hates to admit it, but he enjoyed it. Liked knowing two people could be so happy. He's just sad when he's finally introduced to Tsubasa there's nothing there but air.
His mother is crying when he comes home from University. Yamapi smells stress in the air. "Tomohisa." She says, trying to dry her tears but Yamapi catches them. "Who were you talking to?"
Yamapi frowns. "No one mother."
"Don't lie." Her voice is sharp, sharper than he's ever heard it. "You were talking to him. I heard you."
Her screech makes his head hurt and Yamapi wishes Jin was here to comfort him.
"Tomohisa. I - don't know what to do anymore." She sobs again. The high pitches is gone but it's replaced with and eerie sort of somber cry. "I - you're going away for a while."
Away. Away to hell.
"Yamashita." Kamenashi's voice rings through his cell and Yamapi peers out trying not to watch the doctor with eyes of hatred, that won't get him anywhere. Jin had visited last night. He came with news, and tides and love. Telling Yamapi that his father was getting Yamapi out. That they would run away, go to Hawaii just like they promised each other late at night.
Yamapi held on to the news and knew, he knew that this was it. That Kamenashi was telling him he could go away. That Jin's dad was taking him out, that Kamenashi - that little government spy - he was going to have to let him go, Yamapi didn't know anything about Jin. Nothing. They were going to let him - "Yamashita, did you stop taking your pills?"
Had he stopped? Of course he had. They were messing with his brain. Jin didn't come when he took them. He couldn't. And they made Yamapi slow and they made him dumb and "And have you still been seeing him?"
Kamenashi's voice enters his thoughts, in that slow, fakery caring way and Yamapi realizes he hasn't answered back, that he hasn't said anything. "Don't you realize yet? He isn't real?"
"He's more real than any of you ever will be." Yamapi hopes his laugh will keep Kamenashi up for days.
::
So what do you guys think? Heart or not? :D
- Location:In my room
- Music:Nami - Four Tops
Title: Remember
Author: Sam
Rating: R
Fandom: Tomapi
Summary: The greatest thing about being human was that you didn't have to remember.
A/N: Tomapi is love. It truely is.
Yamapi sighs and stares at Toma, while Toma glares up at him, his battle fighting, the generals lining up, tearing his mind apart and making him wonder what if. What if he didn't run away? What if he remembered? What if he didn't forget? Toma closes his eyelids and blinks slowly, nuzzling into Yamapi's hand in the way that makes him think of how Toma had felt on top of him, his mouth on his, the feel of Toma's body, the way Toma touched his jaw, and kissed it.
"Tomohisa." Yamapi sighs again and Toma does too, a for once second Yamapi remembered what it had sounded like for Toma to pant his name. For one second and then he forgets, his thoughts drifting downwards, as he tries to hold on to some of them, that are melting like snow in the heat.
"Toma." Yamapi says Toma's name and Toma's eyes brighten for once second, and Yamapi wonders what Toma wants him to say. What Toma needs to hear, what will make everything better again.
The light in Toma's eyes stays and he grins in a sort of grin that is neither happy nor sad, just a nameless emotion of feeling. Yamapi tries to grin back, and tries to not think about how Toma had touched him so softly, fingertips drifting over pieces of skin that Yamapi had never known was sensitive. He tries not to believe that Toma had known what and where and how and why everything felt so good. He tries and tries to not think about the word with it's harsh letters and neither had said but both had thought.
He tries not to replay Toma's mouth on him, and his mouth on Toma. And he tries and he tries and he tries so hard that he can't think straight for a moment. That all he knows that if Toma leaves, if Toma and the night and day and moment all blend into forgotteness that he'll never be able to remember and think and be.
"Toma, don't, I -" Yamapi starts but can't finish as Toma reaches over and brushes a piece of fringe out of his eyes. He's not brushing tears, nor is he shushing Yamapi, he's not trying to comfort Yamapi. He's just touching him. And it's not like how he had last night. It's friendly, and something that everyone did. Everyone touches Yamapi like that. It's not special or sweet or kind. It's just normal. Everything about the two of them is normal. Or at least, that's what Yamapi tells himself as he tries to gulp and forget. Forget it and forget himself.
Toma's hand lingers on Yamapi's mouth and Yamapi tries not to think, tries not to remember.
"Can we forget tomorrow?" Toma asks and Yamapi answers back "tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow."
</font> ::
Heart or not? And anyone know where the last line is from? Serious, people, you should know. <3
- Music:DBSK - Balloon
ARRRHHH!
That is how I feel right now.
I got ditched, stood up, whatever you call it. I WANTED TO GO ON A DATE! I MISS DATING! D:
AND NOW I FEEL UNPRETTY! D:
AND SO I ATE MY FAKE NAIL!
D: THIS DOES NOT MAKE ME FEEL PRETTIER!
AND OMG, SOMEONE WRITE FLUFF SO I CAN FEEL BETTER. OR SOMEONE HIT ON ME! LIKE TELL ME I AM SEXY AND YOU WOULD SO TOTEZ HIT ME. PLEASE? FOR THE KIDS?!
- Mood: AAAGGGGHHH!
- Music:Something by a Korean.
I WROTE DRABBLES! YES I WAS BORED TONIGHT! THERE ARE THREE!
Title: Hungry
Rating: PG
Pairing: Koichi/Tsuyoshi
A/N: For Hana who wanted Kinki Kids. They are so cute. I dunno. This is total fluff.
Title: Somebody
Author: Sam
Rating: R - But it gets a little graphic
Fandom: JE, Arashi, Ohno/Jun
A/N: I Want Somebody gives me whore!Jun vibes. I dunno, does anyone get this vibe as well?
Title: Dizzy
Rating: PG-13
Pairning: AKIRA/SHUJI
A/N: Based off that scene in the second episode where Shuji and Akira are drinking soy milk together. I HAVE NOT FINISHED THE SERIES AND THIS IS JUST WHAT I THINK ABOUT THEIR CHARACTERS. I LOVED THIS SCENE SO I WANTED TO CAPTURE IT INTO SOMETHING MORE THAN THE TEN SECONDS WE SEE.
- Mood:
artistic - Music:Freak Out! - Akanishi Jin
Why when something good happens does it always have to be shadowed with bad things?
Okay, first of all, I so have not even started my Chapel Hill essays or applications. I was freaking out. COMPLETELY. And then I get an email TWO minutes ago saying that he deadline is now THE FIFTH! OMG! PARTY! This is truly amazing to me. Someone is seriously looking out for me. I don't know who but someone.
Okay, now other things. I've been getting my nails done by this real cute guy named Ken. Today I did this. And I was chatting. And it was fun, because he is cute and funny and puts on my rings and calls them bling bling. AND THEN HE GOES "DO YOU REMEMBER ME?!" AND I'M LIKE, "NO!! WHO ARE YOU?!" AND HE SAYS, "MINH'S BROTHER! I WALKED DOWNSTAIRS IN MY UNDERWEAR BEFORE! WHEN YOU TWO WERE MAKING OUT ON THE COUCH!" I did not believe him, but after he could correctly identify Minh and his dog's name - which is Pinky and is a crap gay fog that I hate - I couldn't help but believe him. So, I was like, what type of car do you drive? And he goes a black Lexus. And then I remember. I HAD SEX IN HIS CAR! OMG!
I seriously could not believe this. I wonder if this happens in real life, or if I am secretly on some sort of Drama. Bad part is - Ken is doing that whole, "You should hook me up with your friends" thing, that boys do when they like you. Or want to take you out with the eventual goal of getting in to your pants. THIS IS FINE WITH ME!
And then I find out, Scott, this great guy I've been talking to in Japanese class and just playing around with HAS A CRUSH ON ME! D: No, he is supposed to just laugh and make fun of Sukesako-sensei with me, not LIKE ME! AND TALK ABOUT HOW CUTE I AM AND HOW NICE I AM AND HOW SPECIAL I AM! NOT! D:
AND HERE IS A LESSON FOR YOU! DON'T EVEN MAKE OUT WITH YOUR PSYCHOTIC EX-BOYFRIEND, WHEN HE PUSHES YOU AGAINST THE WALL AT WORK. THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING, NOR IS IT HEALTHY AND LEADS TO THINGS LIKE HIM TELLING YOU HE LOVES YOU AGAIN AND CRYING - WHILE AT WORK. D:
SAT scores on Thursday. I'm sort of nervous. 'Kay. A lot. D:
SPEAKING OF DRAMA!
NOBUTA. WO PRODUCE!
EVERYONE HAS SEEN EXCEPT ME? AND I WASN'T GOING TO WATCH BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE KAME BUT PI WAS IN IT AND I RAN OUT OF DRAGONZAKURA EPISODES AS WELL AS IWGP AND FINALLY, FINALLY FINISHED KUROSAGI, WITH ITS ENDING THAT MADE ME CRY UNTIL I REALIZED THAT HE DIDN'T GO TO JAIL BUT INSTEAD GETS FREED AND NEVER DOES KISS MAKI, EXCEPT I SORT OF LIKED HER - WHICH IS WERID BECAUSE I STARTED OUT NOT LIKING HER AND LIKING YUKARI BUT AT THE END I DIDN'T LIKE HER AND LIKED MAKI.
BUT ANYWAY! NOBUTA! GAYEST DRAMA EVER.
WHAT IS IT ABOUT?! TWO OBVIOUSLY GAY GUYS TRYING TO MAKE OVER AN UNPOPULAR GIRL. Shuji is so gay I can't even look at him straight. "I cry if you cut your hair." I mean seriously. And Akira is so cute, but THE PART ABOUT SPLIT ENDS AND HE WIPES HIS HANDS ON SHUJI'S FACE?! PRICELESS! SERIOUSLY. I WAS DYING.
AND I AM ONLY FOURTEEN MINUTES INTO THE SECOND EPISODE. YAM IS SO CUTE. I WANT HIM AND HIS AMAZINGLY LARGE PENIS. BADLY.
EDIT: THE JIN!PIKACHU PICTURES ENDED UP ON MY IPOD AND WHEN I WAS BROWSING LOOKING FOR SOMETHING RANDOM IT POPPED UP. I DIED. AND EVERYONE SAW.
EDIT II : I BOUGHT THE CUTEST CUTE COAT. IT MAKES ME SEXY. AND I AM NEVER SEXY! ASK ANYONE! I WILL TAKE A PICTURE AND POST TOMORROW BECAUSE I AM WEARING IT TOMORROW. AND I HAVE TO GO GET THE FRENCH ADDED TO MY NAILS BY KEN BECAUSE HE IS A SLOW PERSON AND DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO FINISH. SHOULD I ASK HIM OUT?!
AND EVERYONE PLEASE WISH ME LUCK AS I FILL OUT AND TURN IN MY UNC APPLICATION! I WANT TO GET IN MORE THAN ANYTHING! THANKS AND I LOVE YOU ALL!
EDIT III: YES THREE EDITS IS LEGAL AND DOES NOT REQUIRE AND NEW POST! OKAY?! SHOULD I GET A FIC JOURNAL?! EVERYONE HAS ONE AND I WONDER SHOULD I JOIN THE TREND AND CONFORM?!
- Mood:
POWER UP! - Music:MORNING something by one of the Masumune's IDEK, 'kay?!
Author: Sam
Rating: PG-13
Summery: This thing, this human was a far cry from the doll Takizawa had always imagined.
Fandom: Takizawa/Yamapi
A/N: Okay, it's been so long since I've written angst. Really it has. I'm emotion-y right now and just felt like this. I dunno. Really mature for me. Do I capture what I wanted to? Or were you kind like WTF?
- Mood:
::sigh:: - Music:Mugendai - Kanjani8
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